Inner Turmoil
by Nigiri Ashika
Summary: Bossy Doctor kissed Girly Doctor!" Not my best work.
1. Chapter 1 Dr Cox

**A/N:** I know, it's a little abstract, but give me some credit. It _is_ 10:03 pm. LOL. 

**Disclaimer: **Not that this really infringes any copyrights, but yeah. I do not own scrubs, and I do not own the quote from House.

**Inner Turmoil**

I'm not gay.

At least, I don't think so.

I'm attracted to my wife. Well, ex-wife. And I'm pretty sure that Jordan is a she.

So I couldn't be gay, right?

Maybe I just don't _want_ to be gay. Maybe I call him girls names so that I won't feel as bad about being attracted to him. Maybe I'm in love with him.

He looks up to me. I normally refuse to admit it, but I know it's true. He idolizes me, and the only response I can give is sarcasm. The only way I can handle him is by being a complete jerk to him.

_**"the instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a person feels they can't control the object or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it."**_

Yeah. That would explain it. I feel I can't control him. I am _so sure_. Because it's _so_ _very_ _hard_ to get him to do whatever _-anything-_ I want.

Actually, why _is _it so easy to get him to do what I want? He follows me around like a puppy, even when he doesn't actually need me. And when he _does_ need help, I'm the first person he comes to.

Could _he_ be in love with _me_?

No, of course not! He's just over-dependant. He knows that I'm more experienced in the medical field. _That's_ why he comes to me first. It has _nothing_ to do with his feelings for me.

Not that he has any feelings for me.

Not that I would care if he did have feelings for me.

Not that I have any feelings for _him_.


	2. Chapter 2 JD

**A/N:** Yeah I wasn't really paying attention when I wrote this, so if some bit (or the whole thing) isn't very good please tell me.

**Disclaimer:** Yeah. Not really any copyright infringement, but just in case you didn't know, I DO NOT OWN SCRUBS. Just in case you've been living under a rock or something...

**Inner Turmoil**

I love him.

I know that I do.

But, I don't want to love him. Why oh why do I love him?

He can't love me. He's straight. He has a (sort of but not really ex-)wife, for Christ's sake. And trust me, you can't _not_ be straight if you're with Jordan. That lady is a _woman_.

I don't get why I love him. He is sarcastic, mean, showoffy, rude, smart, handsome, clever... Oh. Yeah, that could explain it.

He _is_ really smart. I swear I'd never have made it through being an intern without his mentoring. And even as a resident, I couldn't handle it without him. He is usually right, even when I don't want him to be. And he always knows how to handle the tough things.

If only he had feelings for me. If only- but he couldn't. He doesn't even care about me, I'm just his girly Newbie. The new doctor that follows him around endlessly asking pointless questions. Well, I can't help that the questions are pointless! It's not my fault I can't find a good reason to follow him around!

But I will always follow him around.

That's the closest we'll ever be. Me the baby duckling whose two letter name is so hard to remember he must call me girls names, and him the smart, funny, sarcastic mentor that has a family, and absolutely _no_ interest in me.

None at all.

But a girl can dream, can't I?


	3. Chapter 3 Dr Cox

**A/N:** Now I'm getting into some sort of story!!! I wasn't actually expecting to go farther with this than just the rants, but I have a few ideas for a plot. I'll probably have each chapter switch off between Dr. Cox and JD...

**A/N2:** Irrelevant to the story but I just thought you should know PIRATES 2 CAME OUT ON DVD TODAY. Oh yeah. I am _SO_ gonna get it ASAP.

**Disclaimer: **No reason to sue me, so don't. Legally I don't own anything. So there.

**Inner Turmoil**

There's something wrong with me.

He's my -what is he? He's not an intern anymore. We aren't exactly _friends_. So then why are we always together? He's a perfectly capable doctor, but he's always asking me for help.

Fine then, he looks up to me.

How could I take advantage of that? That would be _immoral_, I could never take advantage of our relationship. But ethics aren't really stopping me from wanting to.

How would he react if he knew my feelings? Would he reciprocate? Hah. Yeah right.

But I don't think it would scare him too badly...

He'd probably think it was a joke. Of course, who's fault is that? Maybe I shouldn't joke so much...

Right after people stop getting sick. And Barbie shaves her head. And that idiot friend of his- Turk, is it? Yeah, I'll stop joking when Turk stands up to his wife Carla.

Maybe I should come out and tell him... that... I'm... in love... with him. And if he freaks out, I'll just play it as a joke.

Yeah. A joke.


	4. Chapter 4 JD

**A/N: **I don't really have anything important to say. I've been kinda irritable lately so I'll spare you a pointless rant.

**Disclaimer: **Get it through your head: I am fourteen. I _can't_ legally own anything. So don't sue me. Because I don't want to give you half my toys.

**Inner Turmoil** (in case you forgot what you're reading)

He kissed me!!!

It. Was. Awesome.

Except...

Jordan. Was there. _When he kissed me_. And she **SAW**. She was still in shock when I bolted.

I couldn't help but bolt. My mentor just kissed me. On the lips, if you were wondering.

He was telling me about a patient, and then when we parted (I was going to the patient's room, he was going- somewhere else) he said casually, "I love you."

I wasn't even daydreaming. And then, seeing my response (mostly stuttering with a lot of confusion), he pulled me torwards him and KISSED ME. I guess he wanted to clarify exactly what he meant.

Now I'm hiding in the janitors closet. If Jordan didn't go into a coma from the shock she'll be looking for me. Crap! The door's opening! I'm going to die!!!

Oh, it's just the janitor... Wait a minute. Since when is that creep _just_ anything?

Oh, it's _just_ a mass murderer. Yeah, that would be a better description. I wonder how his squirrel taxidermy collection is going? Those little guys were cute, but still scary as hell... Kinda like the kids in pediatrics that bite...

But at least it isn't Jordan. I wonder how long it will take her recover from her shock to hunt me down? I don't think I'll be able to get out of the hospital any time soon...

"What are you doing in here?"

Quick! Think up a good reason!

"Uh... _Here's my contact lens_! I'll -uh- leave now."

Ha ha ha! He fell for it! Oh- wait, he's probably just planning to catch me unaware... Great, now I'm stuck avoiding _two_ people. Actually, I'd rather not see _anyone_ I know any time soon.

I have _got_ to get out of here!


	5. Chapter 5 Dr Cox

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for your comments! I'm so happy that people actually read my stuff. Warm fuzzies from me to everyone.

**A/N2: **Wow that sounded gay.

**Disclaimer:** I own Scrubs. I admit it. It is all mine, and every episode comes straight out of my fourteen year old imagination. And I give everyone permission to write fanfics, for I AM GOD!

**A/N3: **Wow that sounded gay too...

**A/N4:** Just so you know, I have absolutely nothing against gay people.

**A/N5:** Okay, sorry for all the author's notes. Thought I should apologise though, because this chapter was hard for me to write and even now I still have serious doubts about posting. If you have any advice on how to make it... I dunno, _better_, please please please tell me. Or even an alternative choice for the rant. Some serious writer's block is causing me to write random stuff that I _don't_ actually like, but am forced to write because I have nothing better. So please forgive me, and any advice would be appreciated. I'll shut up now.

**Inner Turmoil**

What just happened?

I kissed him. That's what happened.

WHY THE HELL DID I KISS HIM!?!

I could have just said "I love you" and then left. I could have let him think he was hallucinating, or in his little dreamworld. I could have not said anything at all.

But I _had_ to kiss him. I absolutely _had_ to scare the living daylights out of the kid. Why?

Because I'm twisted.

Or because I'm in love with him...

He bolted right after, I probably should have seen that coming. Probably went off to hide in the janitor's closet.

God I hope he didn't see Jordan's response. I hadn't noticed her standing there until after he disappeared. She was shocked for a few minutes, and now she's still not talking. If it had been _her_ who had kissed him- well, actually, _she's_ already had sex with him. So I was just getting even with her. That's all.

Yeah right.


	6. Chapter 6 Janitor

**A/N: **I'm so so SO sorry i haven't updated in... Rrrrk I don't even wanna go there. I had writer's block, and then I gave up, fell in love, got a life for a month or so, completely forgot about my stories, remembered, got distracted, forgot again, had a birthday (in September), am still in love, forgot, and then remembered and decided to attempt something.

**Disclaimer: **I'm still really sorry. I hope you haven't abandoned me :'(. I love you all. If you haven't abandoned me. Oh, and I own nothing... Except WAAAAAAAAY too many clothings from the really really free market. Copyright THAT BIATCH. (Sorry I'm moodyish. Thanksgiving is in 2 days and I'm grounded.)

**A/N2:** Another apology... I have no idea what this chapter is. Maybe it'll seem insignificant until I do more chapters? Maybe it's time-wasting fluff.

**Inur Terr-moyle **(Didja miss me?)

Bossy doctor just kissed girly doctor.

BOSSY DOCTOR JUST KISSED GIRLY DOCTOR!

Okay, okay, I'm cool. Where'd girly doctor go? This way? He's probably in one of my storage closets. That would be fun- I can say he stole my windex again. Oh, look, a closet. How did I get here?

Hallway. Riiiiiiiight. What's behind door number one, I wonder?

"Hello, Clarise."

"Uh... Here's my contact lens! I'll -uh- leave now."

He must not have heard me. Am I really that quiet?

No, he's probably deaf. Like a worm. Worms can't hear, right? Where'd he go?

Oh, hi blonde doctor.

"Hi mister Janitor man!" Is she high? She KNOWS my name's Steve.

"Hello blonde doctor?" Fine, I'll just play along.

"Have you seen JD? I think I saw him run by a couple of minutes ago, he looked like he was almost... skipping?" Wait a second, why do we not know each other's names, but we suddenly know JD? What a weird game she's playing. And why's she jumping from one foot to the other?

"My name is Steve, yours is Elliot, who's JD, and why are you jumping from foot to foot?" Oops... Didn't QUITE mean to say that. Or at least not like that. She looks like she's going to cry.

"Um... JD is my friend. You torment him?" She's stopped the jumping. Oh, no, I scared her.

"Ah, worm-boy. I haven't seen him. I have to go, fix something. Janitor stuff, you know?" Maybe I should have been nicer.


	7. Chapter 7 Elliot

**A/N: **Wow, it has been a LOOOOOOOOONG time. Well, I'm back, one night only. Maybe if you tell me how wonderful I am I'll try to live up to it. Doubtful though. I bet by tomorrow I'll have completely forgotten what a fanfic is. That seems to happen... For months at a time... What's important is I'm back now, and hopefully good at writing. (If you want to read some other stuff I've written -non fanfics- check out my myspace: Smeghead the Bloody Wonderful. Or go to /Ultimatebalance. I put stuff in my blogs.) I love you all, and it's actually the responses I've been re-reading that have made me want to continue. So here goes... Hope you haven't forgotten me.

**Disclaimer:** And the point of this section is? I'm fifteen and a half and I don't even own a learner's permit, let alone anything as nice as a TV show. I am in the process of making a film though. It's an independent film made of little vignettes. It's all about love, and so far we have one short written about these two girls. My friend's the one writing it though. I pitch the ideas, she modifies and finishes (something I have NEVER done, sorry to say), and I will film. We also only have one actor though. That could be an issue. Oh, I'm distracted.

**A/N2:** Jeez, I'm halfway through writing this and, I am so sorry. I'm still going to put it up until I feel better about it or fix it. But I think it just MAY be crap.

**Innner Turmoil **(EVERYBODY HAS IT)

"Hey JD!"

He's ignoring me.

And... skipping? He's such a spazz.

A cute spazz.

Why is the janitor following him? Maybe he knows what's up.

Frick, what's his name again? Oh, forget it.

"Hi mister Janitor man!"

"Hello blonde doctor?" Oops. I didn't mean to make you mad.

"Have you seen JD? I think I saw him run by a couple of minutes ago, he looked like he was almost... skipping?" Why are you looking madder at me by the second?

"My name is Steve, yours is Elliot, who's JD, and why are you jumping from foot to foot?" Well that was kind of mean of you. I just wanted some help. I didn't even notice I was jumping from foot to foot... Maybe I should stop. Sorry for bothering you, but I can't stop now.

"Um... JD is my friend. You torment him?" I could really use a latte right now.

"Ah, worm-boy." What? Is that some weird new nickname for JD? "I haven't seen him. I have to go, fix something. Janitor stuff, you know?"

Oh, well that was a pointless conversation! And now he's mad at me for nothing. Maybe JD was going home sick?

I should call him later.

RING RING RING stupid phone. Why do phones ring on this end of the line anyway? It should just ring to get your attention if someones calling you. Or it could at least play-

"Hello?" What?

"Hellooooo?" Oh, I'm on the phone.

"Hi JD. I saw you leaving the hospital early. Are you okay?" He better be okay. I'm not covering his shifts this week. How many blind dates do I have? Hmm... One, two, six... I'm definitely not free to cover any shifts.

"I'm... I'm fine... Just a little...DR. COX KISSED ME!"

Um.

Huh?

"What?" WHAT?

"God, don't scream in my ear."

"Are you sure you weren't asleep, or day-dreaming, or hallucinating, or something like that?" Am I asleep, or hallucinating, or day-dreaming?

Probably.

"It was really really real." I want a cupcake.

"You're serious? What are you going to do? Are you going to go to work tomorrow? What's the policy on work relationships? Well, we dated so I guess you already know about that... Are you going to be like a couple now? Did you like it? What's Kelso going to say- what's JORDAN going to say?" Oh-em-gee oh-em-gee.

"She was there. I dunno what she's gonna say. I have a headache. You need to stop yelling." What?

"But aren't you super-psyched about this? This is your big chance!"

"Um... well... I guess." You guess. What the frick?

"Why are you all calm?"

"I think my emotions short-circuited... And I'm in shock." Oh, that would explain it. You should see my therapist. He's totally cool.

"Wanna see my shrink? He's really nice and good at his job and stuff so you could tell him whatever you're feeling and sort things out-"

"Elliot, shut up. I'm going to get a beer then go to bed. See you tomorrow."

Oh. Ok.

Wait just one second. DR. COX IS GAY??


End file.
